Betrayal and trust are a recurring theme in relationships even if the acts of betrayal occur in small ways, daily, creating a growing lack of emotional safety and connection. The Gottman research highlights that healthy couples respond to each other’s bids for connection and use 5 positive statements to every negative statement even amidst conflict to maintain positive sentiment and build trust in their relationship.
I loved the article on Trust, written by Genesis Games for the Gottman Blog, and had to share it – I highly recommend reading it here
Trust allows partners to experience emotional and commitment safety. It opens the door for a deeper connection and gives them the motivation to endure the hard times they will face.Genesis Games
The essence of building trust is attunement—being aware of your partner’s emotion and leaning towards it with genuine curiosity. It includes listening empathically to understand your partner while creating space for conflicting perspectives and engaging non-defensively.Genesis Games
Read more here: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-deeper-meaning-of-trust/
So what can you do this week to build a little more trust, a little more curiousity, and a little more connection with your partner this week? One easy mistake we often make is to assume our partner is today, the person we met years ago, and we forget that their internal world is changing daily. How can you create space this week to enjoy your partner’s company and bring some curiousity to your interactions? Can you find out something new about them, can you listen to their perspective? Can you share something new about your internal world of feelings and thoughts?
Once we are in an unhealthy spiral with our partner it can be really difficult to turn it around (I know – speaking from experience here!) so couples counselling can be really useful to pause the spiral and begin to rebuild trust and connection in order to be able to resolve the conflict using healthy strategies. If you are not yet in an unhealthy spiral, remember to prioritise time each week to reconnect with your partner, get to know them as they are now, enjoy each other’s company so your relationship is in positive sentiment and you have enough fuel in your relationship tank to ride out the hard times!